Why did I get married???Titi Olajide Cole
How has it been?
I heard about this guy in the states that “snapped”, killed his wife (who just delivered a baby) and the wife’s mum. Then went to the neo-natal ward and grabbed his child. All these because the wife wanted a divorce. Na by force?
I thought on the issue for a while (cos I’m obviously a “thinker”🤣) and came up with these 4 scenarios:
*No be im get pikin.
* Wife yanga 2 much, sake of say na im get money pass.
*One or both dey cheat.
*Na Village people cause am (Nija excuse).
Which of these reasons is enough to kill wife, com join the girl mama inside?
We keep talking about mental health, but don’t couples address issues anymore?
The man or woman in the marriage is not the partner’s property nah. To love and to hold, if love don comot, why una still dey hold?
Social work practitioners even advise trial separation in cases of abuse. I lay the blame on our upbringing in Africa though. I was raised to believe that ‘Oko ni olori aya’ (husband is the head/boss of the wife). Back then when a lady is about to get married, you are instructed that, “Nkan ti oko ba fe ni ki o ba a fe” (Do whatever the guy wants).
I followed these advice to the letter for many years, even when I knew I should do the opposite and na me know wetin my eye see.
The irony was my husband wanted what I wanted (pardon my french😁). And we both realized where we went wrong.
Some see the ‘abuse signs’ before marriage, but ignore them, hoping for ‘change’ like Nija🙄. Why stay in an abusive relationship? This goes for both genders. We are quick to identity with female victims, what of the male who gets physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally and psychologically tortured also. According to the guardian.com, “40% of domestic abuse victims are male”.
So many of our “leaders” condemned Ifesinachi’s murder.
*What of the unknowns that gets murdered on the regular?
*Why are we reactive rather than proactive about this issue?
*What policy has been drafted as preventative for future occurrence?
Sadly, these went on in the days of our fathers and it will go on unchecked because we only make noise after the deed and everyone moves on.
Many are so jaded with marriage as a result of these happenings. A childhood friend was at a wedding and as she watched the bride and her friends dancing, her thought were whether or not the girl would be laughing 5 years down the line. Just imagine!
I belong to a women WhatsApp group and submission was brought up. A lady said women should submit in order for the men to love them. Another took an exception to it, which I seconded. ‘Love your wife’ has no appendix of ‘if she submits to you’ This is the kind of rationality that gives rise to a servitude mindset.
Every relationship has 2 imperfect, flawed people from different backgrounds coming together to start a life, there will definitely be friction along the way. I don’t subscribe to the ‘rave’ of divorces (it’s fashionable now I guess), but the parties involved would know when it’s irreparable.
Pray and WORK (take constructive actions) on it, but get out rather than go into depression or get killed. Where do you get off thinking you can change another person? Only God can or the person decides to change. No marriage or relationship is worth your life abeg. No be DO OR DIE!!!
Pls drop your candid (no holds bare) opinions on this matter at the comment section.